Psychology explains why grief is intertwined with the loss of one’s professional life during retirement. On a psychological level, the job is not just a source of income. It’s a source of purpose, structure, and identity among other things. A job is the thread that holds together every other source of those three elements. When a job is terminated, that thread and its three functions are lost. A job loss is a significant emotional event. It’s not a reflection of one’s weakness. Meaning is wired by the brain through a daily routine. There is a rational explanation for the grief that results from retirement. The American Psychological Association posits that retirement grief follows the same sequence of the loss of a loved one. This sequence includes denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. This is also known as the sequence of grief. Retirees often feel lost just as one feels lost after losing a loved one. It is the death of the professional self.
Purpose Vacuum: The Office is Just the Beginning of Your Meaningful Journey.
The grief of retirement is in the emptiness of lost purpose. That sense of direction that resides deep in our souls is lost. Without an office job, we lose the goals and milestones that give that sense of achievement. Goals are replaced by deadlines, promotions, and victories from your team. Without that, the void of unachieved time makes. It makes the retiree ask themselves, “Who am I now?” The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology noted the emotional state of a retiree is worse than the average state of emotion because of the deep sense of purpose that the job gave the retiree. It reminds us of the executives that view success by how many boardroom meetings they attend. Or the teachers that shape many young minds. Finding that purpose again is a difficult task. It may require volunteering, offering guidance to more novice individuals in the field, and even getting involved in a community garden. Hobbies are usually self serving. In this instances, they serve a more noble purpose. They provide a sense of community, and help to redirect the purpose in our brains.
The Collapse of Structures: The Confusion of Unscheduled Days
Jobs create a structure for our lives. With the sound of alarms, to the cadence of commutes, and the rhythm of meetings, we find our days mapped. But what happens when we retire? Our lives are suddenly and completely unshackled. This may feel liberating, but it can also be disorienting. Temporal disorientation is when a drastic change like retirement occurs. Without external structure, days are a playground for procrastination. Anxiety can build and sleep disruption can occur. This is a general effect, but the rate at which new retirees feel this is 25% increase in depressive symptoms, which was found in a study conducted at the University of Michigan. The solution to this is to create your own structure. You can do this with walking, for an anchor in the morning, turn to classes or clubs in the afternoon for engagement, and envelop the day with a guided journaling exercise for reflection. You can also use planners or apps to get a goal like your old job, but without the office, to turn your days to adventures.
Identity in Flux: From “Doctor” to “Just Me”
An identity is one of the most visceral losses. It’s a core narrative we tell ourselves and the people surrounding us. \\”I’m a lawyer\\” or \\”I’m in sales\\” are not just job titles. They also signify a sense of competence, status, and belonging. This is stripped away when one retires, and it begs the question, \\”What defines me now?\\” This identity rupture is one of the main contributors to the grief process. Our self-concept is a collection of a lifetime’s worth of data, and in the span of a few months, it can all come crashing down. The professional social circles we surround ourselves with also fade away, and we feel lonely. Rebuilding can be tough. But, retirees reinvent themselves and it helps them deal with loss. For example, a retiree may say they travel a lot and are now the \\”world explorer,\\” or, they may begin reading a lot of books and say they’re the \\”insightful reader\\”. It has been shown that people who are able to reinvent themselves and redefine who they are experience a 40% increase in their life satisfaction in a 2 year period, which is extremely significant.
Data Snapshot: Retirement Grief by the Numbers
To show how meaningful this is, we can look at the effects of the Health and Retirement Study, which has been conducted over the last 30 years and surveys over 20,000 adults in the U.S. longitudinally.
| Factor Lost | % of Retirees Reporting High Distress | Average Recovery Time |
|---|---|---|
| Purpose | 62% | 12-18 months |
| Daily Structure | 55% | 6-12 months |
| Professional Identity | 68% | 18-24 months |
| Social Connections | 47% | 9-15 months |
All in all, this data indicates why an individualized strategy that looks at all of the pillars is the most beneficial.
Planning for the Future: Practical Next Steps
The process of rebuilding after the grief of retirement takes time, and is centered around purpose, structure, and identity. Consider doing a weekly time audit to identify ‘wins’ throughout the week. If applicable, see a therapist who specializes in life transitions (particularly those credentialed by the APA). For a guideline of activities aimed to bolster and improve relationships, try a marriage and family life (MFL) book. Spend time socializing in non-work relationships by engaging in community-building activities with your family. AARP’s retirement community forums offer insight and perspective. Books like The Retirement Maze can also provide frameworks. The grief is a sign of loss, and what is a loss to one is a freedom to others. Many who retire leave behind the reality of a nine-to-five and lead a life where they can pursue dreams they have for a long time. The grief is also a sign of loss to one, and what initially seems like an end to life, is an opportunity to re-design the structure of your wake and your retirement may then become a joyous opportunity of re-encore.
FAQs
Q1: Is retirement grief normal?
Yes. There is a psychological rationale to this, as seen in data, and it is estimated close to 70% of retirees experience this.
Q2: How long does it last?
Intentional action can see most guests recover in as little as 6 months. The grief may also come with family building and a young new fun lifestyle.
Q3: What if it persists?
Prolong grief and consult a therapist. This may be masking a psychological condition like depression.